I am head-deep in stats insanity (only 3 more classes to go!!) but during this stressful time, my eating has been bad. I have accepted that I may have an eating disorder. I have been doing research (because I love that stuff) and I seem to fit all the signs. I started to read a book (in my spare time) called “Life without ED” and it all seems so familiar to me.
I have been attempting to diet since January. So, like Most of the Year. I do well for a few days, and then I binge. Sometimes I purge (there I said it). I realize this is NOT healthy behavior. So, I have decided I need to heal my relationship with food, and I’m going to do a Whole 30.
(You can read more about the Whole 30 here)
I was in the midst of a Whole 30 when I found out I was pregnant with Lil A, and while some people can control themselves while pregnant, I found that the only thing that helped with nausea was eating massive amounts of Cheezits. It was a stressful time, and I think I can pinpoint that as the start of some of my not-healthy food behaviors (although if I really look back I’ve been dealing with this since teen years).
So for 30 days, I’m not going to weigh or measure my food. I’m going to practice awareness. I’m going to eat until I’m satisfied, not until I can’t sit up straight. And I’m going to eat quality whole foods.
Now, when it comes to working out, well… it’s pretty much non-existent. I am so burned out on weightlifting and cardio. I need to enjoy exercise again. So, I have some ideas. Zumba. Piyo. Maybe running (I *did* sign up for a 5K in November so I should probably train for that). But my main thing is I’m not going to freak out if I don’t get the exact workout on the exact day that I was supposed to.
Stats will actually be over soon (there is an end in sight!) and I’ll have nights free again and lunches. I just need to train my baby to stay in bed when I wake up.
I feel a huge relief having written all this out. It’s like I’ve given myself permission to just exist for a little while. I’m not going to diet, I’m going to eat mindfully. I’m only doing workouts that are fun. Let’s see how I feel at the end of August.