Lately I’ve been having a crisis of confidence, and I’m wondering if I have what it takes to be an academic. My job is boring me just a little. I mean, I’m excited about the new ACRL Framework for Information Literacy, but when it comes time to apply it, I feel stifled.
I’m writing in my writing class, but I’m wondering if one day someone’s going to come along and tell me I’m really not as smart as I’ve led everyone to believe. In fact, I have nightmares about it. It’s kind of like this, except replace “Jon Snow” with “Sarah Brown”:
I’m aware that this could all be sleep deprivation and parenting burnout. I’m sure a week of vacation with no kids and no clutter and no reference desk would do me a world of good. I mean, imagine the sleep I would get! However, it doesn’t look like it’s going to happen.
In fact, it will get worse in July, when I take 6 hours of class and still have the job and the kids. One of the classes is Applied Statistics I. Everyone is afraid of this class. They warn me repeatedly how hard it is. I try not to get caught up in hype like that, but I’m a little scared. Class meets Tuesdays and Thursdays from 6:00 -9:45. Plus I’ll have my 6:00 – 10:00 PM shift on Monday nights. I’m just going to go ahead and accept that I will not sleep for a month.
Friends of mine who are writers (actual published writers) tell me that when you think you suck, that usually means you’re a good writer. So, maybe since I think I suck at academia, I may actually be smart. All I know is that most high level concepts are giving me a headache, but I can still sing all the words to Lisa Loeb’s song “Stay”, and Sir Mix-a-lot’s “Baby Got Back.” That should really count for something…