So, last time, I was crying because I felt the pressure of my paper and felt like I had no original thoughts and “How can you expect to get a doctorate with all these children and no talent?” kind of thoughts…
And then I actually had a chance to do some work. I woke up at 3:00 am Wednesday morning, put on “Pitch Perfect” in the background, and just wrote. And it wasn’t so bad.
(By the time it was time to go to work, however, driving 4+ hours Monday and Tuesday plus the 3:00 am wakeup caught up with me and I had to take a sick day. But hey, you can write from bed, right?)
I wrote to my professor in one of my worst moments and told him I didn’t know WHEN I would get him the draft that had been due last Saturday, and I didn’t think it was any good, and I don’t know what I’m doing, etc. He was very encouraging. He said, “Take your time”.
On Wednesday, I sent him a draft I wasn’t completely embarrassed about. And I waited. And then I got his response:
The words “Surprise”,”Dissertation”, “good”…. what? You mean it doesn’t suck?
Apparently, my paper doesn’t suck and I *am* actually capable of original thought.
So… what did I learn?
Stay calm. Don’t freak out. Maybe try a little more confidence. I mean, I’ve pretty much been in college since 1992, surely I’ve learned *something* by now…